A Boy & His Cane
by mCase616
Summary: While running from Cuddy throughout the hospital, House loses his cane and is forced to use a substitute...Newest Chapter Up!
1. Prologue

Rating: PG  
Summary: House loses his cane and is forced to use a substitute..snicker Lots of clinic duty, yet no case  
Disclaimer: I do not own house, fox although I wish  
Notes: My first fan fic EVER (well i did do a few with my friend about POTC but...still...) Please be nice! Offer words of support and encouragement! (or just leave me to crash and burn, your choice)

**A Boy & His Cane**

**Prologue**

House hobbled out into the hallway. "It looks all right," he cried back at Wilson who had just joined him in the hallway. Both men looked down opposite ends of the hallway. "I think the coast is clear, I'm gonna make a run for it."

"Well technically…" Wilson started but was quickly interrupted,

"Oh will you shut up?" House said and turned back around. "You know, most people would consider you rude for insulting a cripple like that."

"Most people meaning who? Your friends? I'm your only friend."

"And I regret it all the time."

Wilson rolled his eyes as House readied himself. The hallway looked even longer than he last remembered and the elevators at the end seemed like the doors to heaven for House.

Obviously enjoying this, Wilson stood back and watched as House waited for a break in the busy traffic of the hospital hallway. As soon as everything calmed down, it began…

"On your mark, get set…LIMP!" cried Wilson as House charged down the hallway to the elevator. His cane gave off soft thuds as his body rocked too and fro down the hallway, dodging random doctors and old ladies in wheelchairs. Making it to the elevators, he pushed the down button with his cane and frantically looked to either side of him.

_Come on, come on…_ thought House as the screen above the elevator slowly counted upward to his level. He turned around briefly and saw Wilson standing back where he began, chuckling. When the elevator dinged, House eagerly pushed aside a pregnant woman who was coming out and ran to the safe haven inside the elevator.

A sigh of relief escaped him, but all too soon he heard the sound he dreaded most, the only voice that had the power to dampen his spirits even more so than they were already dampened.

"HOUSE! HOUSE!" cried Cuddy as she race through the hallway towards the elevator. House was on the "Close Doors" button in a flash and watched and smirked to himself as the doors closed before The Devil reached the elevator.

Breathing easy now, House leaned against the back of the elevator and listened to the faint sound of the elevator descending downwards. Cuddy's voice still rang in his ears, but it quickly subsided with one pop of Vicodin. The calmness had not lasted for more than a few seconds before a thought occurred to him. No doubt Cuddy would have seen the screen above the elevator count down to "1" and was probably already on her way to the first floor, exactly where he was headed.

Damn.

Quickly House stopped the elevator on the fourth floor, hoping to confuse Cuddy. The doors opened and House was soon faced with four confused looking patients. They stared at him, wondering why he wasn't getting out of the elevator and also wondering whether or not it was safe to get it, they had heard about the… _colorful_ personality of the man with the cane and the ice blue eyes.

"Never seen anyone ride in an elevator before?" said House giving the patients his sarcastic face. After a few moments, House pushed the "Close Doors" button again and descended to the fifth floor where this time, he actually got out.

No Cuddy insight, House felt it was safe to roam the halls of the fifth floor. He limped down the hallway, pleased with himself for managing to escape the evil clutches of the Hospital Queen. His self-praise was short lived though because no sooner had he walked down the hall did he hear, "Where are you HOUSE!"

_Damn! How did she find me!_ thought House as he scurried into a nearby room.

"AAAHHH! Get out of here you jackass!"

"Oh snap."

House quickly left that room and eased himself into the next room, checking to make sure no full body exams were going on and was relieved to find a comatose woman. Doing a double take back into the hallway for any sign of Cuddy, House walked deeper into the room and sat down by the bed.

House stared at the comatose woman for a minute.

"Pity," he said, then took a sip of the water on her food tray.

After a few minutes, House got up and approached the door. Cuddy was no where. He went back to grab his cane and left the room and darted back out in the hallway.

No sooner had he done so did he hear, "He's over here!" Looking behind him, Cuddy was a good 30 feet down the hall.

"The Devil really does wear prada," House said to himself and limped as fast his leg would allow down the hall.

The chase was on.


	2. The Shear Joy Of Listening To Your Voice

**A Boy & His Cane**

**One**

"Where is it!"

House flew open his office door in a fit of rage and limped into his office. His pace quickened as he hobbled over to the meeting room and circled it, looking under every chair and under every coffee maker.

Exhausted from his search, he let himself sink into one of the hard chairs and he rubbed his face with his hands, mumbling to himself. Reaching his hand into his pocket, he pulled out his trusty bottle of Vicodin and unscrewed the lid.

Just as his hand was at his mouth, the phone rang. Like lightning (or as fast as a crippled man can run) House was back in his office answering his phone.

"Did you find it?"

"Find what?" It was Wilson's voice on the other end, "You left me a message. Said it was urgent. I didn't know you lost something."

"Like I'd call you just for the sheer joy of listening to your voice."

"I was foolish to ever think such a thing. Now what did you lose? Your Vicodin?"

"Not my Vicodin!"

There was a moment of silence on the other end.

"It's not? Well then what is it?"

"My cane!"

House heard a small laugh coming from the receiver. "What are you laughing at! A cripple just lost his cane! Most people would be rushing to my side."

"Very few people actually…."

"This isn't funny."

"Ok, ok…gimme a few minutes will you? I'm with a patient—"

"Is he dying?"

"Ugh…People don't have to be dying for it to be important."

"Well it helps."

House hung up the phone and sat down in his chair. His leg was throbbing, not from the usual pain but because he was forced to just slightly put more pressure on it that usual due to the absence of his cane. Rubbing his leg, he drummed his fingers on his desk and waited for Wilson to walk in. When he finally did he had on a smile that took up his whole face.

"How in the world did you lose your cane? You can barely walk without it! That's not something you forget!"

"I was busy…"

"Running from Cuddy no doubt… you probably left it in one of the many rooms you were hiding in."

House nodded slowly, "Some little kid is probably using it to play limbo, or prop up a table."

Wilson looked up for a second and shook his head.

"Technically this could be considered your fault…" started House.

Wilson looked stunned for a moment.

"You're accusing me of being the reason _you_ lost _your_ cane?"

"If you hadn't made me take that bet none of this…"

"You know what?" said Wilson backing up and reaching for the door, "All I said was I didn't think you could possibly avoid Cuddy for an entire day. It's not my fault you took that as a challenge."

"You know me, I'm competitive by nature."

Wilson stopped inching towards the door and rubbed his face.

"I'm not even gonna argue with you."

"Good, just help me find my cane."

"Just go down to the storage room. I'm sure they have plenty of canes there."

"But they aren't _my_ cane. Plus…there's no elevator leading down there, only stairs. WHICH, I can't take if you noticed."

Wilson eyed House suspiciously and House averted his glare by turning around and looking out the window.

"That's it? No jokes, snide remarks, taunting? Normally you would ridicule me 'til I went down there for you, but nothing? There's a reason you don't wanna go down there…isn't there?"

Turning around House said, "You mean besides the fact I can't?"

Ignoring his comment, Wilson started to piece things together. He started to turn from House when he suddenly cried out, "I've got it!"

"Oh crap…here we go…" said House.

"It's Nicole isn't it? The storage clerk? You did something to piss her off…"

"I did not! I didn't do anything to her. Hell, my presence probably just pisses her off!"

"She wouldn't give you a cane…boy House, you certainly are a work of art, doing something to a woman to make her not wanna give a cripple a cane…"

"Ya know….you're not helping."

"What do you want me to do? Gather all the doctors and start a search party? Post up "Missing" signs in every lounge and office?"

"You should start with the Psych Ward…"

"I can't do that House and you know it." said Wilson, but then he stopped briefly, as if an idea had stuck him. By the look on his face though, House became scared.

"Maybe though… "Wilson started but he never finished what he was saying because he left House's office and ran back to his. House limped over to the door and wandered out into the hallway after him. After a few second, Wilson came out of his office holding something.

"Good Lord, you're kidding me right?"

"Hey, what else are you gonna use? You have no cane remember?

"I'll hobble, I don't care. I'm not using that."

Wilson walked up to House and handed him the object.

"Your leg is going to start hurting even more. Your best bet is to just use it, 'til we find your cane."

House stared at Wilson in disbelief and rolled his eyes. Taking the object, House threw a wicked glare at Wilson.

Suddenly the tapping of heels echoed down the hall and House turned to see Cuddy walking toward him. Ignoring her, as their chase had ended due to House's missing cane, House turned back to Wilson.

"Ya know, you coulda at least picked a different color."

"I'm sorry next time, the one that matches your eyes more will be the one I put in my cart."

House opened the door to his office and limped in.

"When I die, you stay away from my funeral," House added.

Wilson chuckled to himself as Cuddy approached him. Looking into House's office and staring at House, Cuddy asked, "An umbrella?"

Wilson just smiled and walked back to his office.

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This completes Chapter One of my story: A Boy & His Cane! Pleasereview and all that jazz for me! (Oh and don't worry, we will find out more about House and Cuddy's chase through the hospital in the next chapter :) )


	3. He Caught Me Using a Walker

**Sorry for the MASSIVELY LONG delay...it won't happen again! I promise!**

**Two**

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

Foreman looked over at Chase.

_Thud. Thud. Thud. _

Chase was sitting there at the table, flipping through a magazine.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

He was so engrossed in it; he didn't even realize he was tapping hispencil eraser on the desk.

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

And it was driving Foreman crazy.

"Can you stop please?"

Chase looked up from his magazine. "Oh I'm sorry mate, I didn't know it was bothering you." Chase stopped and went back to reading while Foreman went back to staring at the wall.

"How long has it been? Cameron asked from her place at the computer. She had been sitting there for hours and Solitaire was finally getting boring for her.

Foreman looked at his watch, "Four hours."

"Four hours!" Chase said looking up from his magazine. He sat back in his chair and stretched his arms into the air. "Feels like forever," he added.

"Yea, and we haven't even seen House since this morning, and it's now 3 o'clock," replied Foreman, stretching also. Chase got up from his seat and went over to the coffee maker.

"Not one case, not even so much as a request for clinic duty," Cameron said to no one in particular.

"Man, how I hate these days--"

Chase burst into laughter.

Foreman and Cameron looked up at him and saw him staring out into the hallway from the meeting room. They both turned and saw House standing in the hallway.

Leaning on an umbrella.

Not just any umbrella, a hot pink umbrella with yellow smiley faces all over it.

Cameron tried to hold back a laugh and Foreman just laughed along with Chase. House limped into his office then in through the door adjoining the office to the meeting room.

He obviously knew what they were laughing at.

"You don't laugh at the person who could fire you."

Still laughing, Foreman asked from his seat, "Where's your cane?"

"He caught me using a walker, we got in a fight, he ran off," House replied sarcastically as he limped over to Chase who was getting nowhere fast making coffee.

"You lost it?" Chase chimed in, "How do you lose a cane?"

House took the sugar bags out of Chase's hand and shooed him away from the coffee machine.

"Little bit preoccupied this morning..."

"Dodging Cuddy again, weren't you?"

House made a sad puppy dog face.

"I promise I'll never--"

"That's what you were doing all morning?" Cameron finally said getting up from her seat and walking over to House, her arms folded. Her brow became crinkled and she walked with a matter-of-fact attitude and House prepared himself for an oncoming lecture.

"We've been sitting here for hours waiting for something, _anything _to do, waiting for any word from you and you've been playing hide and seek with Cuddy? Why didn't you come back here?"

"Isn't it obvious?" House said referring to Cameron's constant badgering. He poured the coffee he made into a mug and as Chase got up to retrieve it from House, House drank it.

"I was trying to make myself some coffee…"

"Trying, being the key word there," said House.

House limped over to an empty seat at the table and sat down, propping the umbrella up next to him.

"Let me guess, Wilson?" said Foreman.

"Bingo," House replied, "He came to the conclusion that Nicole, the Storage clerk, doesn't like me enough to give me another cane. Wonder where he woulda got that idea. I mean, everyone loves me."

"Have you checked all the rooms you were in?" said Chase, giving up on ever getting any coffee.

House made a face, "There were…quite a few."

"What did you roam the entire hospital?" Cameron asked.

House was silent.

"Wait…you roamed the ENTIRE hospital!"

House got up from his seat and put his coffee mug on the counter and scratched his head.

Turning around he said, "I have no idea where my cane might be at. It could be on the first floor, it could be on the seventh floor. It could be in an elevator, operating room, waiting room."

He walked up to Cameron and looked her in the eyes. A look of mystery entered his eyes.

"I've been to floors I didn't even know existed. I visited departments that I've never even heard of. There were patients…who were stupider than all my clinic duty patients combined."

Turning from Cameron he slowly paced back and forth.

"There were machines that I had never seen; doctors I didn't even know worked here. There was a freakin' PLAQUE dedicated to Vogler! TO VOGLER!"

House made it appear as if the sheer thought of anyone leaving a memorial to Vogler had stunned him severely and he sat back down in his chair. His worried look soon vanished and that ever so cunning smile leapt back onto his face.

"The plaque read, 'This portion of the hospital is dedicated to Edward Vogler who graciously helped this department advance their medical treatments and we appreciate him for letting us use his charity. His generous state of mind will forever be remembered in this department.'"

The three waited for him to continue, they obviously knew there was more to the story.

Getting up from his seat House finished, "It's ok now, I moved the plaque outside the Psych Ward where his "state of mind will be forever remembered" there."

Chase and Foreman chuckled but Cameron did not let a smile cross her lips.

"You still left us here to do nothing all day!"

"You're just pissed you didn't win a single game of Solitaire. Don't worry, you'll get 'em next time"

"No!" Cameron continued, "We could have been saving people's lives if you would have brought a case to us but instead you were playing around!"

"You act like that's something new," House commented picking up his umbrella and trying to twirl it around. It was so big though it wouldn't fit between House's finger and landing with a thud on the floor.

Everyone just stared at it.

"What's with you today?" House added picking up his umbrella. He slowly approached Cameron so that his mouth was inches from her ear, "Is it that time of the month again?"

Furious, Cameron threw her hands up and sat down at the table.

House shrugged and made a face, "Was it something I said?"

Chase and Foreman looked at each other and laughed.

"So, did you just decide to avoid Cuddy all day? I mean," started Chase, "I know you do avoid her, but never to the extent of running around the entire hospital."

"It sounded like fun, what can I say? I'm a fun-loving guy!"

"It was a bet, wasn't it?" Foreman stated.

"Oh yea…and I never woulda taken it had I known I was gonna wind up with this!" said House lifting the hot pink umbrella from its place along the table.

Just then House's pager went off. Retrieving it from his pocket, House let out a sigh of disgust. He limped his way to the door.

"Wait, what would you have gotten had you won the bet?" asked Chase.

House smiled, "Wilson would have had to go on a date with Cameron."

Appalled, Cameron turned in her seat towards House.

"Relax," said House, "that was going to be my second punishment for Wilson."

Thinking to himself for a moment, he continued. "I was actually going to get to graffiti his lab coat and he would have to wear it for a week. My first color would have been hot pink," he said raising his umbrella/cane.

House opened the door but stopped for a second.

"By the way, if a third floor Psych Ward patient named Gertrude wanders down here looking for Don Juan…" House ran his finger through his hair and cast a sexy look at the doctors, "tell her," he said in a now sexy voice, "Don Juan has left the building."

House stepped out into the hallway leaving a confused Foreman and Chase behind.

"Wait! What would have happened if you lost," asked Cameron, hoping for a real embarrassing stunt he'd have to perform.

House shrugged, "Don't know, I left the room before he could tell me," he said and then limped down the hallway, the smiley faces on his umbrella staring back at the ducklings.


	4. Consecotaleophobia? Fear of Chopsticks?

**Three**

"Shot through the heart, and your to blame, you give love, a bad name," House sang to himself as he walked into the Clinic Lobby. He hobbled up to the circular desk in the middle of the lobby and grabbed the file off the counter next to Cuddy.

"You're late, which I'm not surprised. Although you must be tired after our little escapade through the hospital," Cuddy said smiling.

House sang louder, "An angel's smile, is what you sell..."

Cuddy pointed him in the direction of a clinic room, "Room Two, NOW. Woman brought her son in, has a rash. Go take care of it."

"You promised me heaven then put me through hell…." House continued singing, putting an emphasis on hell. He threw a sarcastic smile at Cuddy and headed toward the clinic room when a wrinkly hand came down on his shoulder.

Warily, he stared at the hand then turned around, regretting doing so right away.

"Gertrude…"

"Don!"

The woman about 46 threw her arms around House. House immediately stiffened and looked over to Cuddy who was still at the desk, watching him.

Help! He mouthed out to her but she shook her head and headed off down a corridor.

"Don, there you are! I've been looking everywhere for you! I have something—"

"Gertrude…I...can't...breathe…"

"Oh sorry."

Gertrude released her grasp on House and House let out a huge breath. He stumbled a bit, but caught himself with the umbrella. Gertrude stared at the umbrella.

"What is that?"

"Long story, listen, how did you get out of your room?"

"I opened the door."

House stood silently.

"Don we had such a nice visit last time…"

"Gertrude, I really have to…  
"  
"GERTRIE!"

Suddenly a petite man with long brown hair wearing white scrubs and pink shoes called out from the end of the hallway. Upon seeing Gertrude, he made his way to House.

"Gertie you have been a very bad girl, I've been looking everywhere for you! You missed your sponge bath which threw off your entire schedule, and now we will have to hurry just to get to your Consecotaleophobia-Conquering Class! How could you do such a thing to me?"

House stared at the man, in a disbelieving silence.

"Consecotaleophobia? Fear of chopsticks?"

The man nodded.

"Well if you both will just excuse me I have to get out of here before I lose whatever remains of my sanity," and with that House opened the clinic room door and shut it fast, very fast.

"Are you doctor House?"

House looked at the woman and son inquisitively and then looked down at his shirt.

"Ugh, I must have misplaced my name tag again! I bet Foreman took it!"

The woman stared at House.

"Why do you have an umbrella?" The little boy asked.

"All the better to hit you with…" said House staring at his file.

The woman just stared at House, and dismissed what he said and continued, "About a week ago my son….

"Uh, that's what the file is for, ok? Now lets see, he's had a mild fever and stuffy nose which seemed to have gone away, but then…" House looked up from the file and stared at the kid intently. The kid, about six, returned House's gaze.

"Have you been slapping yourself?"

The mother gasped.

"He would never…!"

"Am I asking you?"

The woman's mouth moved but nothing came out, she stopped and turned from House, obviously disgusted.

"No…" the child said when House turned his attention back to the boy. House grabbed the boys head and slowly turned it from side to side, to get a closer look at the boys face.

It was flushed, except for his cheeks which were a bright red, as if someone had been slapping him. "You have a rash?" he asked. The boy nodded and lifted up his shirt. He had a read rash that ran all over it. It was blotchy, not bumpy and extended onto his arms and legs, but not his face.

"It's not itchy…" said the boy quietly. House nodded to the boy so he could put his shirt down and rolled the wheelie chair he had sat down in when he entered over to the sink to wash his hands.

"Do you know what it is?" asked the mother.

"Yep," said House turning towards the mother. You could almost hear the excitement in his voice when he said, "Fifth Disease!"

The mother gasped. "DISEASE? My poor baby! I feel so bad! This is my fault! I'm so sorry." She sat down next to her boy and began cuddling him, the boy obviously annoyed.

"Oh relax," House said getting up and grabbing his umbrellacane, "One to three weeks the rash will disappear, he's not contagious anymore, and it doesn't itch. So chill dude."

The mother looked up from her son at House once when she heard the mockery in his voice when he said 'So chill dude.' House headed to the door and opened it. "You on the other hand, should worry about yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"The way you've been holding your side, and how the top button of your pants isn't buttoned…." he stared at her, "and how you've been avoiding standing upright, it all adds up."

House now had his hand on the doorknob, but turned to look at her one last time. "Course…" he added in a now giggly tone, "I was always so gosh darn horrible at math!

Suddenly House's pager went off. Begrudgingly he took it from his belt and read it. It was from Wilson:

House, found a cane.

The woman looked up from her son to talk to House but he had already left the room and was limping down the hall.

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As always, Comments are MORE than welcome! If you want to see something happen in the story, tell me! You just may see it in the next chapter ;)


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